A couple days ago, a friend called me asking for advice on how to move on after a breakup with her ex-boyfriend. Many had advised her to start a new hobby, do things to distract her from thinking about him etc. In the end, (Dominica is so small- itâ€™s hard not to run into you ex) she said that all those ideas have not worked and theyâ€™re only making it worse.
In my humble opinion, she had approached the problem wrongly. In case youâ€™re reading this post and youâ€™re in a similar situation. These are the most important steps you must do first.
Ask yourself This Question – Do you really want to move on?
The problem with most people nowadays is that we donâ€™t really know what we want. We said we want to forget the ex-boy/girlfriend and move on but the truth is we are the happiest when thinking about him. So ask yourself this important question, do you really want to move on or not? Establish this first or any attempt to forget him will be of no use.
In order to forget, stop trying so hard to forget
This is also where people usually go wrong. We cannot force our mind to forget. It will only remember even clearer. Take sleeping for example, try forcing yourself to sleep. You will end up stay awake the entire night. So step no 2 is to stop trying so hard to forget. Stop immediately ❗
So what do you do now that you stop trying to forget? You learn from the experience. For example if your boy/girlfriend is abusive, list down how to identify abusive people for your future reference. Learn everything you can from it and (THIS IS IMPORTANT) whenever his image comes up to your mind, reanalyze your experience again. Do take note that this is a very difficult process. It is always much easier and happier to just day dreaming of him/her proposing to you but you should avoid this.
Remember, whenever you start thinking about him/her, NO day dreaming and start listing down lessons. Your mind will slowly associates the memory with â€œlisting down lessonâ€ and hate it so much that it will automatically stop the memory from ever resurface again.
Try that, and tell me in two weeks time 😎 Good luck!
P.S How about you guys? How do you move on after a break like that? Letâ€™s hear them in the comments.